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The Ice Pimps are alive and well. Yes, there are indeed real life Ice Pimps walking among us. Minnesota is their home. And anyone with a hockey stick is their enemy.

I originally coined the term Ice Pimp about three years ago, using it as the name of my team in the hotly contested LCS inter-office hockey pool known to insiders as the RHL. I felt the name Ice Pimp embodied everything a hockey team should be; suave, sophisticated, and smooth. But the name also had a harder edge. Ice Pimp gave the sense that the boys could handle themselves and would cut you if you mess with 'em. It was creative bliss.

It was obvious that such a stylish name could not be restrained to just a hockey pool. It was only a matter of time before it made its way to the ice. In February of 1996, myself and the other founding fathers of LCS became owners of a local pee wee hockey team and christened them the Ice Pimps. Despite being between the ages of seven and nine, the youngsters showed some spunk and did the Ice Pimp name proud, even swaggering to a championship in our second season of ownership. Unfortunately, the good times didn't last forever and we lost the deed for the team in a poker game. But c'mon, three kings! That's golden... I swear that nun was hiding cards in her habit.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more about the pee wee Ice Pimps, be sure to read the "From the Chief..." columns of Feb. 21, 1996, and Feb. 28, 1996, or visit your local library.)

The minute Sister Mary Nicholas raked in the pot, the pee wee Ice Pimps were no more. The next season the church took control of the team and renamed them the Holy Terrors. It was a sad day indeed. All seemed bleak for the future of the Ice Pimps. But little did we know that forces beyond our control were already lifting the proud Ice Pimp name from the ashes.

Several months ago we were informed that there was a new breed of Ice Pimp carrying on the tradition. These brave pioneers are championing the cause at the University of Minnesota. Enrolled in the school's intermural hockey league (UMIHL), the Ice Pimps have quickly gained the reputation of being the baddest men this side of Shaft. When the Ice Pimps come to play, the opposition better have not some, not half, but all their cash.

"To be a Pimp, you can go one of two routes," explains Mitz Del Caro, one of the original Pimps. "Be a goon, or be an excellent player who condones gooning. If you don't like it you can't play."

Del Caro founded the Ice Pimps along with his good pal Kraig "Ogie" Haenke in the fall of '96. Del Caro and Haenke are both from the Iron Range of Northeastern Minnesota, the same area of the country that spawned the Hanson Brothers of "Slap Shot" fame. In fact, the 1977 Paul Newman classic is considered sacred to all Pimps. It has shaped their very perspective of the sport. When the duo felt that the hockey being played in their area was a bit too clean and needed to be gooned up, they decided to build their own squad and lead by example.

The Ice Pimps made their debut in the UMIHL on January 13, 1997, winning their first game 6-4. After pounding a hapless bunch of losers 13-1 in their second contest, the Pimps went out and made history on the evening on January 27.

The game itself wasn't exactly going as planned, and the Pimps found themselves down 5-0. That's when Haenke improvised. The man known as Ogie to his friends went buckwild and racked up 15 minutes in penalties, including minors for elbowing and cross-checking and a major for fighting. Ogie's performance earned him the first game misconduct in Ice Pimp history. It also sent the league's commissioner into action. The Ice Pimp brutality was so heinous that the league suspended the club for the remainder of the season and banned Ogie for life. Aw, that's Ice Pimp hockey.

"Our style is aggressive. Try to get it in their zone and never let it out," explains Del Caro. "If they get near our net, kill them. If someone throws a good check against us, injure the guy so he won't do it again. Basically, our approach is you don't come to a hockey game expecting to dance. If you show up, you better be prepared to lose teeth."

The Ice Pimps were reinstated over the summer thanks to the appointment of a new commissioner and were eager to lace 'em up again for the 1998 season.

"Last year the UMIHL sucked," states Del Caro. "You gooned a guy, you were done for the season. Say one thing to the ref, you got a penalty. This year there was a new commish and new refs. They let a ton of stuff go. You could wind up on a guy, slam him with your stick, no penalty. You really had to screw up this year to get booted."

With the league adopting a more friendly view of barbarism, the Ice Pimps actually made it through the entire 1998 schedule. Unfortunately, while they continued to commit atrocities, the wins didn't come easy. The Pimps finished the regular season with a record of 5-6-1. They triumphed in their first playoff game, but got bumped 5-1 in the quarterfinals.

"The 98 season had its ups and downs," recalls Del Caro. "It went a full 12 games, which was good, but our aggression just wasn't there. Sure, there were more highlights to remember after it ended, but we didn't sell out like we wanted to. We truly felt ashamed of ourselves afterwards. Also, we had too many guys, the lines were always switching, and we had no consistency until the last two games of the season. But we did get to see some real nice performances by our skaters. It was a good season, but not what we had hoped for. In the playoffs we were just beaten by a better team. They were faster, in better shape... just better. Also we tried to skate with them instead of goon them. But I don't know if we even could have, they were just in too good of shape, we couldn't even catch them. The coolest thing was seeing Haenke cross-checking and smashing people with his stick and not get called for barely any of it."

Haenke's physical play earned him his second straight Ogie Ogilthorpe Award. Named in honor of the infamous goon in "Slap Shot", the Ogilthorpe Award is given annually to the player that best exemplifies the virtues of a true Ice Pimp. It only seems fair that Haenke win the award, since it was his on-ice similarities to the classic character that earned him the Ogie nickname in the first place. The importance of the award is not lost on its humble recipient.

Ice Pimp Hero Ogie Ogilthorpe

"It's a huge honor to be a two-time winner of the Ogie Ogilthorpe Award," beams Haenke. "The Ogie award reminds me to push the envelope of safety on the ice and see how many game misconducts I can rack up before I get thrown out forever."

While Ogie is proud of his game, he has no delusions about his overall ability.

"As a player I would describe myself as cheap," admits Ogie. "I was proud of Claude Lemieux when he checked monkey boy Draper into the boards from behind. He is my favorite player because of his cheapness. Hockey isn't about finesse. I'm not so skilled, but I make up for it in penalties. I think my opponents think I'm a joke, but I think the refs take me seriously. As soon as I step out of the locker room they are reminding me to play it straight. Screw that. Oh well, they wish they could be like Ogie, too, I guess."

"My hockey skills are much like that of a drunk bear in a garbage bin," continues Ogie. "They are few and far between. I have no acceleration, no speed or agility, and no slap shot. On the other hand, I check like an animal. I have no qualms about nailing guys to the boards from behind or up in the face. My hockey intelligence is lacking desperately. Do you remember the intelligence of the hockey players on Super Nintendo skating in little circles all day long? I have less intelligence than they do."

Ogie goes through a strict regiment in order to get ready for contests. If just one thing is wrong, his precision game could get thrown out of whack.

"The day of a game I am irate all day. I eat salad and drink unsweetened ice tea. This pisses me off," explains Ogie. "I usually get to the locker room two hours early to look for a guy I really don't like so I can goon him. In the locker room I get dressed before anyone else so I can get through the red tape of the officials, checking me for illegal equipment and such. You know, nails in the stick, etc. No, I've never done that, but I always, I mean always, put on the foil before every game nice and tight. Ya never know who's got a hard head. Then I hit the ice to take about three wrist shots, practice cross-checking and slashing, then I'm ready to go."

Ogie's intensity has spilled off the rink on more than one occasion. Just a few weeks back he got kicked out of a hockey game for brawling. The wacky thing is that he wasn't playing. He was merely a spectator. The incident took place at a WCHA playoff game between Minnesota and the University of Minnesota-Duluth. Ogie was making sure the UMD student section knew how he felt about their club by unleashing a verbal assault that staggered those in attendance. His taunts eventually drew the ire of some foolhardy UMD fans and a fight ensued. Although he was outnumbered four to one, Ogie held his ground and threw. What else would you expect from an Ice Pimp?

It's been said that being an Ice Pimp isn't just a feeling, it's a way of life. Pimps are expected to live within certain guidelines. For example, Barry White is the official music of the Ice Pimps. Players are also asked to drive large pimp cars, like a Cutlass, Regal, or Monte Carlo from the years 1981-88. And when it comes to style, these Pimps know how to carry themselves. Whether in knee-length vinyl jackets, flowing fur coats, or powder blue tuxedos, these guys are swanky dressers. They'll even throw in the occasional white leisure suit for good measure. Afros are the hairstyle of choice. Hey, it's all about being a Pimp.

"Being an Ice Pimp is the greatest thing in the world to me. Being around a bunch on Neanderthals on ice is so cool," says Ogie.

Sadly, not just anyone can be an Ice Pimp. Aside from wearing real wizard threads and being willing to mix it up, prospective Pimps need to know that the team comes first.

"We go through a stringent screening process for recruiting. However, even the finest GM makes a few errors," Ogie regretfully admits. "We have banned four players from the Ice Pimps. One was forcefully booted after he wouldn't fight. And three players were kicked off after violating the Ice Pimp doctrine by complaining they weren't getting enough playing time. We all have a common goal: to be goons. And we always back up our fellow Pimps."

The Ice Pimps are already preparing for next year. There's even talk of Ice Pimp merchandise, with fans of the club eager to support their heroes.

"The Pimps will be back next season, leaner and back to the basics," warns Del Caro. "We're thinking of getting jerseys together for marketing. We've been getting email from fans who want some, but we don't have any yet. But it's a definite possibility."

While a championship season would be nice, it's hardly the Ice Pimp ideal. They set their sights a little higher.

"The perfect game would be every Pimp on the ice brawling, and then maybe a dash into the stands," says Del Caro. "What I would like to see is a few Pimps waving their arms like the Hansons after getting their first ejection in 'Slap Shot.' Just basking in their glory."

"The best words of advise are who cares if the ref is looking," summarizes Ogie. "You can hit him, too. Screw goals, anyone can score. It takes real guts to fight anyone and everyone."

And it takes real guts to be an Ice Pimp.

(ANOTHER EDITOR'S NOTE: If you'd like to read more about the Ice Pimps, the team has its own web site that includes stats, boxscores, and player profiles. Feel free to visit and get your learn on. It can be found at
http://www. angelfire.com/mn/westbank/main.html).

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