Advertising Opportunities

Paul Kariya. He's supposed to be the NHL's golden boy. A decent, clean-cut young man that champions a wholesome image honed to perfection by the suits at Walt Disney. Over the past year Kariya has graced the cover of just about every hockey publication in the world, with nothing but praise being thrown his way. His explosive skating and laser shot have many labeling him as the game's brightest star. Yet through it all one question remains... is Paul Kariya a dork?

This query has nothing to do with his game on the ice. Sure, he might be a bit of a dandy, but there's no denying Kariya's sheer offensive brilliance. He's a marvel on skates and brings excitement to even the dullest of contests. The question isn't what he gives the fans on the ice, but how he treats them away from it.

Paul Kariya

For me this started near the end of the 1995-96 season. Kariya was ringing up highlight-reel goals at a breakneck pace, giving the citizens of Anaheim hope for the future and catching my eye in the process. During this time I happened across a road Ducks jersey that happened to be on sale. It was marked down %40. I never really liked the Duck sweaters, but the bargain-basement price combined with the visions of Kariya storming his way through opposing defenses brought several thoughts to mind. I remember thinking to myself, "Hmm, hard to beat 40% off. I wonder how much it would cost to get 'Kariya' on it? I wonder what establishment would provide such a service? I wonder where I left my pants?"

After finding my pants in a nearby fountain, I quickly purchased the jersey and soon had it on its way to be lettered. A few weeks later I had a swell Kariya jersey all to my own. Aw, that was great, that was fun.

But the euphoria didn't last long. I had only worn the jersey once or twice before I started to hear rumors of Kariya being, keeping in mind that this is a family publication, a dork. At the time I wasn't sure if they were true or not, but I definitely heard things. Things like he was abusive to fans, ignorant to children, and arrogant around the media. This bothered me. Well, except for that thing about the media. I mean, who cares about the media? Filthy parasites...

Here at LCS, we normally embrace any form of antisocial behavior. But the idea of Kariya being rude to fans just somehow seemed wrong. He's a Lady Byng winner for cryin' out loud! Here's a guy that is getting hyped as an all-around great person and a model for sportsmanship, but he can't show fans respect off the ice. I put my Kariya jersey in the closet.

As the months went by I heard more tales of Kariya being a jerk. It seemed anyone who had ever had any contact with the speedy winger had a less than favorable opinion of him. The same words were used repeatedly to describe him: rude, ignorant, arrogant. Yet he was still being idolized by the folks at ESPN. He was still finding his way to the covers of magazines. He was still regarded as one of the game's ambassadors. My jersey remained in the closet.

I was perfectly willing to quietly give up on Kariya and forget all about him. Who needs him as a hockey playin' hero when guys like Joe Sakic and Gary Roberts are in the league? If he wants to be a di, er, dork, let him. It's not my business. Things changed on February 1.

That was the night Gary Suter cracked Kariya but good upside the head with a cross-check, knocking the young Duckling all loopy. Kariya was forced to leave the game with a concussion. He has not played since and will sit out the rest of the season with a nasty case of post-concussion syndrome.

It wasn't long after the Suter hit that another wave of Kariya propaganda began to hit the airwaves. It seemed everyone with a microphone and camera was quick to step on their soapbox of choice and canonize Kariya. They sang his virtues in the effort to vilify Suter and his dastardly deed. Sure, the hit was borderline, but what was Kariya doing crashing the net with his head down? How could someone with such renowned hockey sense not know Suter was coming right at him? But that's a story for another time. The point is that the pro-Kariya movement was in overdrive. And it was making me sick.

With no other news outlet taking up the charge, I decided LCS Hockey would be the first to alert the public about Kariya's off- ice persona. We're not scared to stand up and be counted when the rest of the world is cowering in silence. For the emperor is naked... buck naked! I don't even know what that means...

Anyway, I began gathering information to illustrate the point. All the sources I contacted within the hockey reportin' business confirmed the rumors, but chose to remain nameless in fear that the almighty Disney corporation would have them rubbed out. I've seen it happen. They confirm the hit by sending a set of mouse ears wrapped in newspaper. It's not a pretty sight.

There were, however, a few brave souls that were willing to talk on the record. The first of which was our very own Meredith Martini. An LCS correspondent and photographer for the past few years, Meredith was eager to recount her infamous run in with Mr. Kariya. Here, in her own words, is Meredith's story.

"I have a (good? bad?) habit of creating sizable, colored pencil portraits of star NHL players and getting them autographed. I'm pretty good at it, good enough for Becketts to purchase a portrait from me. Several players have asked for them as well, most notably Pat LaFontaine. Art supplies aren't cheap, so each portrait runs $40-$60 in costs and takes anywhere from 12 hours (headshot) to 30 hours (goalie) to do.

I spent over 15 hours and nearly $60 on a portrait of Paul Kariya. (Those plum and aquamarine colors are hard to find!) The result was one of the best pieces I've ever done, attracting a lot of attention from the Mighty Ducks' media contingent. They thought I'd have no problem getting Kariya to sign it. Neither did I, as players who otherwise have no intention of signing invariably stop and sign their portraits, usually with a much better signature than their norm; besides, Teemu Selanne was happy to sign his and gave me a terrific signature.

I waited by the team bus after practice at the USAir Arena. When I saw Kariya, I held up the portrait where he could see it and called him. "Mr. Kariya, would you please sign this?" Kariya yanked it and the $5 silver paint pen out of my hands, jammed the pen onto the portrait (which broke the pen, of course) and dragged it jaggedly across the whole picture. Then he shoved the portrait back at me and threw the pen in my face. I said thank you anyway. He never said a word - to me. He cursed several other people present.

The portrait was pretty much destroyed. Ducks' TV man Brian Hayward asked if I had gotten it signed, I showed him the result. He apologized profusely 'on behalf of the team' and said he didn't understand 'what gets into Paul for him to do these things.'"

Enlightening, isn't it? But stay tuned. This story is about to get as ugly as homemade shoes.

While treating someone associated with LCS Hockey in a disrespectful manner is shameful, we're kind of used to it. So I needed another story on which to build this feature. A story so shocking it would make people sit up and take notice. A story that was provided by a Mr. Jeff Smith.

It happened about two years ago. The Ducks were on the road visiting the Washington Capitals. Jeff and two of his buddies were hanging around the Annapolis Mariott hoping to score some autographs. They got a tip from a hotel employee that a few players would be returning shortly from dinner, so they decided to wait around a bit. Not long after, a car pulled up carrying Guy Hebert, Steve Rucchin, and Kariya.

"I was the first one to ask Kariya for an autograph," remembers Smith. "He took my 8x10 photo and scratched a PKY9 on it. As he was writing he looked at all of us and said, 'You f****** guys, you tell all your friends that I'm not going to sign s*** the rest of the time I'm here. You tell the rest of your f****** friends to leave me the f*** alone. I'm not signing s***.'"

Okay, that's a little abusive, but it's not that big a thing. I mean, I know how tiresome it is when people are always asking for autographs. C'mon, people, there's only so much I can give. That's why I had to cut back my public appearances so drastically. Like I'm only doing one autograph session at the boat show this year and when the clock hits three I'm solid gone. It's over. Splitsville. But I digress...

Getting back to the story, Jeff and his pals pretty much laughed off their first encounter with Kariya. The next day Jeff took his daughter Jessica, who was five at the time, and a young friend of the family, eight-year-old Zachary, down to see the players in person as they were on their way to the game. Both kids were big fans of the Mighty Ducks, in large part to the Disney movies bearing the same name, and idolized Kariya. Having the chance to see the team and Kariya in person made for quite the exciting adventure. At least in theory.

"When the players came out to get on the bus to go to the game we got some autographs from some other guys," recalls Jeff. "Kariya came out the door and we were standing by the bus. Zac asked him for an autograph. He (Kariya) had a very mean look on his face and seemed very upset that he had to sign another auto. Zac had on a brand new Caps jersey that he had just got for his birthday. Kariya scribbled somewhat of a PKY on his puck and threw the pen back to him and some ink got on his jersey."

Jeff's daughter didn't fare much better.

"My daughter Jessica asked him for one and she held the puck up for him to sign. When he went to sign it her arms were kind of unsteady and he said in a very harsh voice, 'Hold the damned thing.' After he signed for her he threw the pen on the ground."

"As we were driving to the game Zac was really upset that his hero could have done something like that," continued Jeff. "From that point on he hated Kariya. When we went to the game, every time Kariya would touch the puck they yelled out 'Butthead.'"

Ouch. Being called "Butthead" hurts. That's like the A-bomb for an eight-year-old. When all else fails, they know they always have something left in the arsenal. Hell hath no fury like an eight-year-old scorned.

"After we went home Zac told his mom about the experience and to this day he hates Kariya," relays Jeff. "Whenever he refers to him he refers to him as Butthead. He won't even wear his Ducks shirt anymore. My daughter still likes the Ducks because Selanne took a picture with her, but she doesn't like Kariya."

It's always brutal when kids learn that their heroes aren't truly heroic in real life. I still remember the day I learned that Don Knotts couldn't fly. I was shaken. But this is even worse. Because so what if he couldn't fly? He was still Don Knotts. But these kids here lost their hero completely. Instead of being a moment they'd fondly recall for the rest of their lives, that incident with Kariya will now be remembered for all the wrong reasons. The dream was shattered.

Jeff wasn't too happy about how the kids were treated and took matters into his own hands.

"A couple days later I called the Ducks in Anaheim and talked to the vice president of the team and told him of our experiences," said Jeff. "He apologized greatly for Kariya. He did offer us tickets to a game but I wasn't going to fly out there to see them. He also told me that if I wanted to send some pictures that he would make sure that Kariya would sign us all nice autographs. We told him thanks but no thanks. We didn't even want anything to do with him anymore."

Kariya's behavior is the exception, not the norm. Most NHLers are extremely friendly and will do their best to accommodate fans. Among the major sports, hockey players are considered to be the most cooperative. For every Kariya, there are dozens of guys like Sakic, Roberts, and Selanne that treat the fans with respect. And that's really what it's all about. If a guy doesn't want to sign an autograph, that's his choice. But there's no need to treat the fans like garbage for asking. It's just a matter of common courtesy. I always make it a point to thank people when they ask for my autograph. I consider it an honor that someone would cherish my name so. Plus, I keep the pen. It's sweet. I haven't had to buy a pen since like 1995. But once again, I digress...

Gary Roberts by Meredith Martini

The problems with Kariya aside, Jeff and the kids still like to go see the players when they're in town. A recent highlight was when the aforementioned Gary Roberts not only gladly signed his name, but also got down on his knees to have a chat with Jessica. Roberts is cool like that. The only change in their routine at all is when the Ducks are visiting. They tend to look the other way when a certain guy shows his face.

"This year when we went to get the Ducks in DC, we didn't even acknowledge Kariya," explained Jeff. "And I'm glad because he blew everybody off. He went out the door in a very fast pace, didn't say anything, and went right to the cab. Of course there were some people that asked him and were upset that they didn't get him, but I just sat back and laughed."

As more stories like Jeff's begin to leak into the press, there will likely be a pretty significant anti-Kariya backlash. The first few waves of which have already been felt here at the offices of LCS Hockey. That great patriot Zippy the Wonder Chimp has fired the first salvo against Kariya, trading the injured scoring phenom away in our inter-office hockey pool. Kariya was the Wonder Chimp's first selection at this summer's draft, but he now has a new home. It seems Zippy could no longer stomach having such a person on his squad.

"The honor of the Wonder Chimp organization has been restored," announced Zippy in a press release following the trade. "No longer will a hatemongering overpriced prima donna skate for the fabled Wonder Chimp franchise."

Zippy's resolve should be applauded. How much longer before others follow his lead? We're not asking that you, our valued readers, march on Kariya's house carrying torches. We just want to get the word out on the street. Our goal was to dispel the myth that Kariya is a wonderful role model for today's youth. We're not saying you should hate him. Hate is such a strong word. We just want both sides of the story to be told. To this point in his career, all we've been hearing are the good things about Kariya. It's time someone illuminated the whole picture and admitted what others ignore. Consider the facts and come to your own conclusion. But do we hate him? Oh, sure... no doubt.

And what about my Kariya jersey? Well, let's just say it's no longer in my closet. You know, those jerseys are quite absorbent. My car has never looked shinier.

[ issues | web extra | stats | nhl archive | home | chat | mailing list | about us | search | comments ]

1998 © Copyright LCS Hockey All Rights Reserved