It's been nearly six months, but it still hurts. Each day without the Hartford Whalers feels like an eternity in hell... an emotionless, senses-numbing hell, devoid of all hope. Sort of like a library.

Watching the Carolina Hurricanes make their NHL debut on October 1 in Tampa Bay was extremely painful. It drove home the fact that no matter how much we will it to happen, the Whale will never return. Sadly, the mighty sea mammals are dead.

Dead? Wait, a minute, the Whale aren't dead yet! LCS isn't going to sit idly by and allow a punk like Peter Karmanos to screw with the memory of the Whale. Just because Karmanos took the money and ran, that doesn't mean he's going to get away with it!

LCS was there at the Draft in 1994 when Karmanos was introduced to the crowd in Hartford as the man who saved the Whale. We were there to watch him accept the adulation of the fans, all the while knowing he was going to split once his lease was up. We were there to witness him begin his rise to power in Hartford. We should be there when he crashes to Earth in Carolina.

Our plan is simple. I, Michael Dell the editor-in-chief of LCS: Guide to Hockey, being of somewhat sound mind and body, am officially challenging Mr. Karmanos to a fight. Just a good ol' bare-knuckled street fight, sort of like the Clint Eastwood classic "Any Which Way But Loose". Except instead of an orangutan called Clyde, I hang out with a chimp named Zippy.

If Karmanos wins, he will gain ownership of the vast LCS: Guide to Hockey empire, which includes such riches as a 1989 Pontiac Le Mans, a complete collection of "ALF" episodes taped on Beta cassettes, and two big barrels of grain alcohol.

If I win, LCS will become the owners of the Carolina franchise. Upon taking control, we would immediately move the team back to the Mall in Hartford and the Whale would once again be swimming in NHL waters. As for the fans in Carolina, well... screw 'em. This mission's all about the Whale.

Challenging Karmanos to a fight may sound kind of drastic, but such duels have been a part of American culture ever since Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam set the standard back in the day. And if not for a grueling knife fight, Bob Barker would not be the host of "The Price Is Right" today.

So there you have it, folks. The gauntlet has been tossed. The only question now is whether Karmanos will be man enough to accept it. Stay tuned to the pages of LCS for updates. And to all you people in Hartford, keep the light on for us... we'll be bringin' the Whale home soon!

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