The Secret of Snow's Shoulder Pads Revealed!

The Secret of Snow's Shoulder Pads Revealed!
By Michael Dell, editor-in-chief

"Garth Snow very bad man... very bad."
Those are the words of one Georghe Ruiz, a 10-year-old Guatemalan boy that has good reason to dislike the Philadelphia Flyer goaltender. Because for the past several months, Georghe (pronounced Hor-hay) and his eight-year-old brother Pedro have been serving a rather thankless job under Snow's watchful eye. While their names may not be recognizable, everyone knows of young Georghe and Pedro. But they know them by their more famous collective name: Garth Snow's shoulder pads.
Yes, the secret of Snow's ridiculously large shoulder pads as finally been revealed, and what a shocking one it is. LCS stumbled across the startling truth when the young Ruiz brothers contacted us about their plight. Being the world-wide publishing juggernaut that LCS: Guide to Hockey is, naturally we receive thousands of letters each week from our valued readers. But from the minute we laid eyes on Georghe and Pedro's letter, we knew it was different.
The envelope boasted a return address near Detroit and showed the strain of its arduous journey. The message inside was printed with a shaky, uneducated hand and purple crayon was the writing implement of choice. It was also impossible to ignore the tiny water stains scarring the bottom of the page, almost certainly caused by the tears of its author. The letter itself read as follows:
"Dear LCS, Garth Snow very bad man. Please help. -- Georghe and Pedro"
With a little luck, we were able to track Georghe and Pedro down through the return address on the letter. The destination turned out to be an all-night 7-11 on the outskirts of town. Not only was it the home of a damn fine Slush Puppy, it was also acting as the temporary home of Georghe and Pedro. We found them curled up in the back corner near the frozen burritos. The two little tykes were rather small for their age, no doubt a result of their harsh upbringing. Their frailty was undeniable under the fluorescent lights. Sitting there barefoot, clad in little more than rags, the two boys seemed the definition of pitiful. After treating the lads to a few slushies, they opened up and began to tell their sad story. Being the older of the two, Georghe did most of the talking while Pedro respectfully remained silent, with the only sound coming from the straw through which he enjoyed his beverage.

Georghe and Pedro in action.

Born in Guatemala, their parents, Raul Ruiz and his wife Maria, brought them to the United States shortly after Pedro was born. With dreams of making it big in television, Georghe and Pedro's parents came to the U.S. with stars in their eyes and hope in their hearts. Unfortunately, Raul Ruiz wasn't exactly Magellan with a map. Instead of California, the Ruiz family ended up in Philadelphia. Needless to say, acting jobs were scarce. It wasn't long before the money ran out. Their situation grew all the more dire with each passing day. With no other options at their disposal, Raul and Maria reluctantly left their children at the doorstep of the Mother of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage, hoping to give their kids a chance at the happy, healthy life they themselves could no longer provide.
While the separation from their parents was incredibly traumatic, Georghe and Pedro relied on each other to get through the early years at the orphanage, strengthening their bond as brothers.
"It was tough, but we had each other," explains Georghe.
The orphanage wasn't exactly Shangri-La. Meals normally consisted of a bowl of soup and a few scraps of bread. The clothes on their backs were handed down from year to year, becoming worn and tattered along the way. And the winters were cold. Very cold.
For entertainment, the nuns that ran the orphanage would often gather the kids around an old piano and sing songs. Surprisingly, the tunes weren't always of a religious nature. The sisters seemed to favor the contemporary songs of their youth, paying particular respect to such songwriters as Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond.
The orphanage also had one old black and white TV that, along with the nuns, served as Georghe and Pedro's English teacher. They learned to speak the language from watching reruns of "Gilligan's Island". It wasn't long before the brothers were mimicking what they had seen, with Georghe playing Skipper to Pedro's Gilligan.
"We tried to make lagoon in basement," admits Georghe. "Nuns not happy."
With each passing year, the brothers became more accustomed to their orphanage life. It wasn't much, but it was all they knew. That soon changed.
A few months ago, the orphanage was visited by Garth Snow. The Mother of the Blessed Shroud wasn't known for having professional athletes stop by. In hopes that he would help raise the spirits of the children, Snow was welcomed with open arms.
"It was very exciting to have a real hockey player come visit. We never had many visitors at orphanage," recalls Georghe. "There was a clown once, but he was stupid."
At first Snow's visit seemed authentic. He handed out hockey cards to the kids, told stories about the NHL, and even brought along all his equipment for display. The children were having such a good time that many of them didn't notice the tape measure.
"He had tape measure in pocket. Once nuns left room, Mr. Snow began seeing how tall all the kids were," Georghe remembers. "He then asked us to curl up like ball and measured us again."
After sizing up all the children in the room, Snow took a particular liking to Georghe and Pedro. It wasn't long before the children were asking Snow to put on his equipment so they could see what a real goaltender looks like in person. Snow was more than happy to comply. Once fully dressed, Snow asked Georghe and Pedro for assistance.
"Mr. Snow said he forgot some pads. He asked us to pretend to be his shoulder pads... to curl up like ball and sit on his shoulders," recounts Georghe with a steely gaze. "He then pulled on his jersey. It was like being in big tent. Reminded me of circus."
With Georghe and Pedro secured under his jersey, Snow went about showing the kids his typical stance and the motions of a few routine saves.
"It was fun. Circus is fun," rationalized Georghe.
Snow's visit was the talk of the orphanage. When he returned a few days later to ask permission to take Georghe and Pedro home for the weekend, the nuns in charge agreed without much discussion. After all, it meant two less kids for them to be bothered with, not to mention the fact Georghe and Pedro seemed eager to go.
"We were very happy to leave orphanage," said Georghe. "Mr. Snow seemed very nice man."
At first Snow was a very nice man. During their weekend together, Snow acted as a true father figure for the boys, taking them home and giving them the attention they had done without for most of their lives. He also took them on a tour of the city, showing them the many sights. Their tour ended up at CoreStates Center.
While all his teammates were their for a practice, Snow didn't introduce Georghe and Pedro. Saying that children weren't allowed in the dressing room, Snow asked that the boys wait for him by a back door while he went in through the front so he could sneak them past security. He then let the children in and led them through a series of tunnels to a now empty dressing room. With Snow's teammates already on the ice, he quickly got suited up and asked Georghe and Pedro to once again play "circus". And so it started.
That first practice went by without incident. With the help of Georghe and Pedro, getting a shot over Snow's shoulders was a virtual impossibility. His Flyer teammates were a little in awe of his hefty new shoulder pads, but they did seem to take away the high shots, so what did they care. Anything to get that little edge over the opposition, right?
It wasn't long before Georghe and Pedro began playing "circus" for Snow during games, all the while being kept hidden from the team and fans alike. The secretive trips to the dressing room and the hurried moments spent dressing soon became a mundane routine, with Georghe always taking position on Snow's left shoulder and Pedro on the right. Thanks to his new "equipment", Snow was enjoying the best season of his career. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite so enjoyable for Georghe and Pedro. Soon the fun of the game began wearing off, replaced by the aching sting of a hockey puck.
"Puck hurt very bad," Georghe painfully remembered. "It was hard to see shots coming. We just curled up and kept our heads covered. Pucks make us dizzy. Pedro once thought he was Mr. Howell for three days."
Despite the occasional pain of stopping shots with their heads, Georghe and Pedro remained loyal to Snow because of the world he provided them. Finally outside the orphanage walls, the brothers wanted to do whatever they could to avoid going back. Whenever they began to question their new guardian, Snow eased the situation with a few special treats.
"Pop Tarts. He would give us Pop Tarts to keep us quiet. We love frosted cinnamon Pop Tarts, especially Pedro," Georghe said while tossing a glance to his younger sibling. As if on cue, Pedro's eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the mere mention of the sugary snacks.
However, as time wore on, the brothers realized they couldn't take much more. Snow was named the Flyers' number one goaltender at the beginning of the playoffs and started nine consecutive games in net, the longest such streak of his career. The grind began to catch up to Georghe and Pedro. The brothers were still trying to get over the queasiness induced by Jaromir Jagr turning Snow inside-out on a breakaway in the first round when Buffalo's Donald Audette rang a bullet off Pedro's melon in round two. Pop Tarts are great, but they do little to ease the pain of an Audette blast to the skull.
Snow began to sense that the brothers' willingness to continue helping him was starting to wane. In order to prevent his beloved shoulder pads from running away in the cover of night, Snow made sure to never let the brothers out of his sight and kept them locked at home when he wasn't around. In the moments they were left to themselves, Georghe and Pedro began plotting their escape.
"We started whispering things in his ears during games," Georghe revealed with a sly smile on his face. "In Game Four against Buffalo we sang Barry Manilow songs. Mr. Snow hates Barry Manilow."
The ploy worked. Snow was so bothered by Georghe and Pedro's repeated renditions of "Mandy" that he had his worst outing of the postseason to that point, giving up several weak goals in a 5-4 overtime loss to the Sabres. Snow was so bad that Ron Hextall got the start in Game Five, giving the two brothers a much deserved rest.
Snow returned to the starting job against the New York Rangers in the Eastern Conference Finals. After performing like their old selves in a 3-1 Game One victory, Georghe and Pedro reverted to more sabotage in Game Two.
"Mr. Snow told us 'no more Barry Manilow!'" said Georghe, imitating Snow by looking cross and shaking his finger. His expression quickly changed and he flashed a devilish smile when he added, "We sing Neil Diamond instead."
By the time the brothers belted out the chorus to "Coming to America", Snow had yielded five goals on just ten shots and was yanked from the game. The pathetic showing was enough to cost Snow his starting job.
"He was very angry. No Pop Tarts for us that night," offered a still smiling Georghe.
Snow would only see the ice once more during the playoffs, that being Game Two of the Stanley Cup Finals versus the Detroit Red Wings. By that time his confidence had been so shaken that Georghe and Pedro didn't have to say a word. The mere threat of a Manilow or Diamond lyric being uttered into his ear was enough to keep Snow off his game. The result was a few more soft goals and yet another loss.
Georghe and Pedro stuck around long enough to get a free trip to Detroit for Games Three and Four of the Finals, knowing that their moment of truth was almost at hand. When the Flyers dropped Game Four, giving the Red Wings their first Cup in 42 years, the brothers seized the moment and used the pandemonium at Joe Louis Arena to slip out from under Snow's jersey and disappear into the frenzied celebration. It was the last they'd see of Snow.
Free of their oppressor, they wandered the streets until Pedro spotted a box of Pop Tarts through the window of the 7-11. It seemed like a good enough place to call home.
"We're little, so we can hide in store. But we knew we couldn't stay here forever and we needed help. We heard of LCS and the things you do while staying with Mr. Snow. He hated you very much, very much," explained Georghe. "We wrote you as soon as we could."
And thank God they did. LCS has taken Georghe and Pedro under our wing and are allowing them to stay with us until a suitable foster home is found. Their first few days with us took some adjusting. Every time someone entered a room wearing a sweater, Georghe and Pedro attempted to crawl up their sleeves and curl into a ball just out of habit.
LCS won't turn our backs on the unfortunate kids. We'll stand by their sides and give them the support they need to resume the happy and productive lives their parents dreamed for them. We'll protect them from the Garth Snows of the world, making sure that no one ever takes advantage of them again. They can stay with us as long as they want. We're already teaching them the important skills needed to make it in the world. For instance, Georghe excels at such domestic skills as cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry, while Pedro is aces at detailing a car and can mix a mean martini. Yes, they're coming along just fine.