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The Phantom Sabres by Jim Iovino, Ace Reporter Ok, so with the opening of the new Star Wars movie a few weeks back, I'm sure a lot of people missed some of the action in the Stanley Cup playoffs. I mean, who could resist the temptation of spending an average of nine bucks to see one of the most talked about movies of all time? Well, besides our Editor-in-Chief, Michael Dell, that is. When asked when he was going to see The Phantom Menace, he replied, "When hell freezes over." While Delly waits for the temperature to drop in his future home, the rest of the known world probably went to see the movie. That means we missed some of the Eastern Conference finals between the Toronto Maple Leafs and Buffalo Sabres. So here's a run-down of what we missed in the series, but with lots of references to the movie to keep us entertained. *Dwayne Roloson proves he's a capable apprentice to Dominik Hasek. The Dominator missed the first two games of the series with a groin injury. That meant his backup had to come in and try his luck against the Dark Side. Doing his best Obi-Wan Kenobi impersonation, Roloson showed he has learned much from his time of training under the Dominator. He won Game 1. Unfortunately in Game 2, Rollie found out he has a lot to learn before become a Jedi Master. After being bombed in Game 2, Roloson never saw the light of day in the rest of the series.
*Rob Ray scores goal, Yoda warns of impending doom. Rob Ray scored his first goal of the season in the team's win in Game 4 of the series. The game was the first Ray played against the Leafs in the postseason. The nifty deflection that bounced between the legs of goalie Curtis Joseph inspired hope among fans and the Sabres coaching staff that Ray could be "The One," as in the one that would lead Buffalo to the Stanley Cup. Head coach Lindy Ruff even went so far as to insert Ray into the lineup again in Game 5. The Sabres won again, but Yoda warns that there's evil in Ray, and he is not the savior of the franchise. *Darth Satan make brief appearance, but impressive one. Miroslav Satan came back to action in Game 3 after missing much time due to injury. And what did he do? Score a goal and set up another, thank you very much. The more I watch this guy, the more he impresses me. Of course, that could be due to the fact that his last name is Satan, and that he's the evil lord of darkness.
Speaking of evil lords, did you see that Darth Maul character? Did he give ya the willies or what? He really didn't talk much, he had no deep ties to the movie, yet he's still the big marketing tool for the movie. What's up with that? All he did was get cut in half by my main man Obi-Wan. I mean, we don't know where he comes from, what he is or even what his favorite color is. And then he's gone without much fanfare after one light saber battle. That's not cool. They kept saying he was a Cyth or something, but I don't know what that means. Should I? I mean, I paid attention during the movie and all. Perhaps I missed something... *Jar Jar is annoying. Ok, so this has nothing to do with hockey, but I just had to vent about this Jar Jar Binks character. If you haven't seen him, he's kind of a cross between a Jamaican and an amphibian. Oh yeah, and he's really annoying. Obviously a ploy to get kids to buy merchandise, Jar Jar constantly repeats this "Me so" phrase that kids will just love annoying their parents with. You know, parents will try to teach their kids the right way to speak English, and then the little brat will see Star Wars and his language skills will be corrupted forever. Eventually, journalists will have to start writing hockey articles in a Jar Jar- Rastafarian language or something. I'm sure it's a sign of the apocalypse... By the end of the movie, people really wanted to take a light saber to Jar Jar's neck. Ironically, Maple Leafs fans wanted to do the same thing to Mats Sundin, who had trouble scoring throughout the series. As a matter of fact, after the Sabres eliminated Toronto, Sundin could be heard talking to himself in the Maple Leaf locker room. "Me so underachieving."
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