This issue is even weaker than normal, and that's saying something considering our recent track record. But you see, both Jim and I are kind of sick at the moment. Jim's so sick that he couldn't write anything at all this issue. Pray for him.

Of course, you're probably all asking yourselves now, "But, Michael, I thought you said you were sick, too?" It's true, I am very sick myself. But I was still able to do stuff for the issue. Why? Because I have the strength of ten men and the courage of a lion.

Now if I only had the will to write about hockey. Well, here's some stuff anyway...

STARS LOOK SHARP
The Dallas Stars have clearly outplayed the Colorado Avalanche through the first two games of the Western Conference Finals and all they have to show for it is a split heading to Denver. That could be grief.

The Avalanche are going to eventually wake up and start playing their game. Missing an opportunity to go up 2-0 in the series could prove costly the longer this thing goes. Right now the Stars appear to be the faster team, beating the Avalanche to every loose puck. But it's only a matter of time before the younger Colorado legs start to make their mark. With each passing game, the series shifts in Colorado's favor.

Dallas is playing perfect hockey right now. The Stars dominated the Avs in the third period of Game Two, outshooting them 15-1 over the final 20 minutes. The men from the Lone Star State are playing with an intensity that has yet been matched by the men with feet on their shoulders.

Colorado is at its best when it's playing ugly. Throw the puck to the net, crash hard, and work for loose pucks. That should be Colorado's formula for success. Too often they try to rely on skill instead of sweat. If they commit to working the puck deep and shooting first, the Dallas defense will eventually back off and open up the ice needed for the Avs to play their skill game. But right now they're forcing plays at the line and passing up shots in favor of making one extra move. That's not gonna cut it against Dallas.

Mike Modano by Meredith Martini

MIKEY MO THAN ENOUGH
One reason why Dallas has looked so strong is the play of Mike Modano. He's been outstanding. Modano was matched up against Joe Sakic in Game Two and was in complete control. He simply outplayed the Colorado captain. But then again, maybe that isn't so hard these days. Sakic has only four goals on the postseason, including one in his past nine games. The Avalanche need more production out of their leader. Same goes for Theo Fleury. The little fella is looking rather ordinary at times. I'm not sure if his knee is still bothering him or not, but Theo definitely seems to be lacking the usual jump in his legs. Theo and Joe have to pick it up.

FOOTE VS HATCHER
Watching Adam Foote and Derian Hatcher do their stuff has been damn entertaining. These guys just never quit. Hatcher is bigger, Foote is the better skater, but they're both chippy as all hell. They play mean. Along with Chris Pronger, Foote and Hatcher are the best defensive defensemen in hockey.

Derian Hatcher by Meredith Martini

And after watching Derian on a regular basis, Pittsburgh fans everywhere are asking "What the hell happened to Kevin?" It seems Hatcher the Younger got all the toughness genes.

GOAL CREASE RULE... AGAIN
If anyone out there still thinks the punk ass goal crease rule is a benefit to the game, please send me your address so I can come over and beat you viciously about the head and shoulders with a sock full of nickels. Pat Verbeek's no-goal in Game Two against Colorado was just the most recent in the ever growing list of crimes committed by the punk ass crease rule. Change the rule! Are you listening, Bettman? Although I should probably say I'd beat him with a sack full of apples, because knowing that cheap, money-grubbing bastard he'd take the throttling in hopes of picking up any nickels that happen to spill to the floor amongst his blood and bodily fluids. Then he'd probably offer me an expansion team. Although, the Greensburg Alcoholics has a nice ring to it...

(SUNSHINE) YOU, DETROIT!
My article last issue about Game Six of the Colorado-Detroit series, entitled "(Sunshine) You, Detroit!", caused quite the controversy. I received several letters from angry Detroit fans. So with that in mind, I'd just like to say... (sunshine) you, Detroit! Chris Osgood? (Sunshine) you! Kirk Maltby? (Sunshine) you! Martin Lapointe? (Sunshine) you! Slava Kozlov? (Sunshine) you!

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