DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN
Defensemen are stumbling like Mickey Mantle on Friday night,
All-Star forwards can't score at the chicken ranch, and goalies
are spreading their legs like Madonna at a frat party -- it's
playoff time again in Philadelphia.
Get the feeling we've seen all this before? Despite the fact that
Bob Clarke has spent the last year shuffling players around like
George Steinbrenner on crack, the orange and black are doing the
same old spring thing.
Only fans of irony could be happy with this Flyers club. When
they stink, like they did in game 1, they win. When they play
pretty well, like in games 2 and 3, they lose.
It's enough to make you wish you had a cat to kick -- or at least
a bottle of Thunderbird between your knees for game 4.
BRIND'AMOURITIS
There's a deadly new disease afflicting the Flyers forwards, a
lethal bug that makes it impossible to get the puck over a down
and out opposing goalie.
Apparently, long-term exposure to Rod Brind'Amour has caused
other Flyers to lose their ability to bury high shots into mostly
open nets.
Even experts from the world-famous Mayo Clinic have been unable
to explain how the disease spread, or how it insidiously attacks
the coordination centers of the human body.
Team doctors are frantically attempting to contact former Flyer
Tim Kerr, a man who knew what to do with a loose rebound, in the
hope of drawing some of his blood for possible use as a vaccine.
WANT TO BLOW A GAME? LEAVE IT TO GEEZER
Remember last off-season when Bob Clarke announced to the hockey
world that he'd acquired the goalie he really wanted? The one
who'd put an end to the deflating five-hole goals in the
playoffs? The one who'd outplay the guy at the other end of the
ice?
If you still believe him, I know a guy who can sell you part of
the Brooklyn Bridge real cheap.
Despite the fact that he played incredibly and stole Game 1, John
Vanbiesbrouck is the main reason the Flyers are down two games to
one in this series. His failure to stop Steve Thomas' trickling
backhander at the end of Game 2 was the most costly gaffe, but
all four of the goals he's allowed in the last two games
absolutely HAVE to be stopped by an NHL goalkeeper. And I'm not
talking about Dominik Hasek here, I'm talking your garden
variety, Garth Snow-like netminder.
The Flyers have played near perfect defensive games against the
league's highest scoring offense the last two games and have
nothing to show for it. Despite the fact that the players are
saying all the right things, that has to be deflating --
particularly to a team that has proven itself emotionally fragile
time and time again.
Geezer's putrid netminding alone has been enough to make me
sicker than lousy Chinese food, but the lack of reaction from
most Flyers fans is even more offensive to my palate.
What the hell is the matter with you people? In the past three
seasons, you screamed for the Flyers backup goaltender every time
Hextall allowed ANY goal -- let alone fluttering,
impossible-angle backhanders.
Now the shoe is on the other foot and there's hardly a peep out
of most of you.
I seriously doubt that Roger Neilson is contemplating giving Hexy
a start at this point, but I wonder why he's not. The Flyers have
always been quick to hook an ineffective goalie in the past. Why
isn't there even any talk of it now?
I know a lot of you despise Hextall, and some of your criticisms
are justified. But it seems to me that there are two sets of
rules for Flyers goalies, one for Hextall and one for whoever his
compatriot is. Regardless of the fact that he's allowed some
strange goals in playoffs past, that doesn't seem fair.
Maybe I make too much of the way that Hextall has gracefully
handled so much adversity over the years. Maybe I give him too
much credit for being the ultimate example of how a Philadelphia
Flyer should conduct himself. Maybe I'd just really, really like
to see him get one more shot at redemption.
If he doesn't get it, I hope he retires and tells Neilson,
Clarke, and all the fans who denigrate him to kiss his posterior.
SIGNS OF HOPE?
Regardless of who starts in net for the Flyers tonight, a better
goaltending performance is almost guaranteed. And that would
probably be enough to get the series tied. The Flyers have
definitely outplayed the Leafs, outshooting them by a wide margin
and bottling up their deadly transition game.
It's also going to be difficult for Curtis Joseph to top the
performance he turned in Monday night in Game 3. Several Flyers
are probably still shaking their heads at some of the acrobatic
rebound stops they witnessed.
That said, winning the series promises to be an uphill battle.
The club has won just five of the 16 seven-game series they've
trailed over the years.
The return of Valeri Zelepukin would be a huge boost to the
Flyers spirits. Like Keith Jones, Zelepukin has cemented himself
as a player who plays better in big games.
Zelepukin has been fitted for a knee brace, but no official
announcement has been made about his availability for Game 4 as
of yet.
