It's hard to think about my disappointments for this past season and not immediately focus on Wayne Gretzky's retirement. How I delayed buying my tickets for the Stars-Rangers for months and ended up missing the sold out game because I'm stupid and lazy. Wayne's not playing anymore. It is so monumentally bad that he is retiring that I took time off from work in order to wear black, watch his old games on video, and weep like a woman all day.

But since the news is full of stories on The Great One, I won't load you up on more tales of how Ultra-Lame it is that he's gone. I'll vent my misery and frustration through complaining that no one was good enough to get 50 goals in the first year of the Rocket Richard award. How boring, annoying teams that weren't real Cup contenders bought a bunch of new guys at the deadline and now they have a chance to go down as a "Dynasty". And My God, am I sick of that damn Federal Express ad with that stupid guy with the Cup in Bolivia. But I digress.

Jacques Plante won the Hart Trophy for MVP back in 1962. No goalies won it for 35 years. That was until Hasek won it the last two in a row. Know what that means? That a.) the goalies are winning again (aka More 1-1 hockey games) and b.) "that cat Hasek is one bad mutha...Watch yer mouth. But I'm talkin' about Hasek." So, with goalies obviously getting better and better at stopping the pucks, the forwards need to be getting better at shooting the pucks. If not, then scoring goes down and you get more ties. Now, I like 6-4 hockey games more than I like 1-1 hockey games. So, I like Mario putting up 69 goals and 160 points in 60 games only six years ago. I like Teemu and Mogilny BOTH getting 76 goals. I don't like teams with 20 ties. I don't like no one getting 50. I don't like having 30 goalies with a 2.50 GAA or lower. Seriously, 30 goalies. That's pretty weak.

I was also disappointed that Mr. Derian Hatcher decided to crush Jeremy Roenick's head last week. He basically ruined any chances Phoenix had at the Cup this year with his goon display. I know the Coyotes weren't the top seed or anything, but they are clearly one of the elite teams in the league and definitely had something to prove in the playoffs. I am all about hard-hitting, aggressive hockey, but that was the kind of stuff that makes the whole sport look bad. Non-Hockey fans are gonna see that on ESPN and think hockey's all about fights and guys breaking jaws. I just hope J.R. gets a chance to make an appearance in the playoffs since, as Trent says, "It's Roenick. He's good."

And what's up with Owen "Called the shot on Hasek" Nolan? Someone go wake him up. He was a consistent 30-goal scorer who looked like maybe he'd get back up to 40. Then he slipped last year and this season he got 19 on 200+ shots. He had a chance to make San Jose a strong playoff team. Now, he's looking like the oldest 27-year-old in the NHL. His best work seems behind him and with Patrick Marleau and Jeff Friesen really playing well and becoming their star players, he can kiss his ice time goodbye. This team IS going to become one of the best teams in the league and it's on the strength of its young players. Nolan really should have stepped it up and made this happen sooner. The growing period is starting to end. The Vincent Damphousse trade showed that GM Ferreira was serious about the playoffs THIS year. Last year San Jose gave Dallas a tough time in the playoffs. And with the whole team being quite a bit better and BOTH their goalies gettin' freak nasty this season; they could've been a contender. They could've been somebody. They could've at least knocked off Detroit or Dallas in a first round upset. That would've been sweet. Nolan is disappointing fans that envisioned the Sharks going anywhere in the postseason.

Speaking of All-Stars that aren't "puttin' out" this year, let us try to remember Peter Bondra. He's averaged exactly 50 goals the last three seasons. This year he put up 31. Not a bad total at all, but the Caps really could've used his scoring help. He's got an easy excuse though; they pawned off his whole team. It's kind of like in those old cartoons where Yosemite Sam saws around Bugs Bunny on the bridge and the whole bridge collapses, but Bugs is still standing there on this wooden circle. It's not JUST like that or anything, but I always thought that was odd. You know... Bugs just sort of standing there lookin' all smart and stuff. So, I guess Bondra is Bugs. Just floating around in the air while the whole bridge falls around him. But instead of being all cool, he falls in the river a little bit later. Great players rise to the occasion. Great players thrive on challenges and trust me, Washington gave him one this year. He could've separated himself from the good players in the league and been one of the elite. He's been right on the edge for three years. Now it looks like he's going to collapse along with the entire Washington organization. How many chances do you get to prove yourself? And how many times can you compare a Slovakian winger to Bugs Bunny? It's a gift.

Has anyone seen Geoff Sanderson? He's about six feet tall; real fast kid with kind of big ears? Last time I saw him, he was in Hartford racking up high-30 and 40-goal seasons. He sort of got lost in Carolina and now I can't seem to find him. Someone said he might be in Buffalo, but the only Sanderson they've got had 12 goals this year. So, that can't be him. Well, if you see him let me know because his career came looking for him. Said something about missing his prime.

I could really, really bitch about how Vancouver broke my heart again this season, but I won't. I won't talk about how Mogilny has gone from 76 goals to 14. Or how Pavel is totally going to score 60 goals next year in Florida. Oh, he'll do it. Believe me. He'll do it out of spite. I won't mention that it took the Stanley Cup winning coaching genius of both Mike Keenan AND Marc Crawford for them to find a way to lose MORE games this year than last year. I won't even mention the fact that I scored just as many goals for Vancouver this year as Jason Strudwick and Steve Staios in their combined 122 games and I didn't get a single check from GM Brian Burke. I didn't even waste the ice time.

I will mention that Markus Naslund and Adrian Aucoin had tremendous seasons. They were just terrific. The problem is that this weekend while they're out playing golf and watching the playoffs on TV, they'll get that "I hate this damn team. I'm wasting my career playing here" thing that you get after even a decent season up in Vancouver and they'll ask to be traded out of Canadian Hell to any team that has any kind of future. Which leaves me behind to cheer for Dana Murzyn, Trent Klatt, and Murray Baron as they shatter any ideas I have of an even mediocre season. I sure hope Steve Kariya can play like brother Paul when he hits the NHL.

By the way, their record is 50 losses in a season. They got 47 this year. Let's cross our fingers and hope they can finally set the record for suck. But why hope for anything from this team? They can't even lose correctly. It plain sucks to be a Canucks fan. I'm just glad that no one else has to deal with it.

Basically, no one got 50 goals for the first time in my lifetime. My favorite team is the worst they've been in my lifetime. Chelios left Chicago. Hull left St. Louis. Fleury left Calgary. They closed Maple Leaf Gardens. Gretzky quit. That's the worst of it. Wayne Gretzky retired and Chris Osgood didn't. Where's the justice in that? That's not gonna be good for anybody.

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