THREE-PEAT MY ASS
So everybody thinks the Detroit Red Wings are pretty special. Sure, they've gone 7-0-0 since acquiring Chris Chelios, Wendel Clark, Ulf Samuelsson, and Bill Ranford. And okay, they are a good team. But I'd hold off on raising that third Stanley Cup banner just yet. You want to know why? Two words: chemistry.

Everything's all cheap wine and roses at the moment, but wait until Darren McCarty and Samuelsson get healthy and return to the lineup. There just won't be enough ice time to go around. Guys that are used to playing are either going to be relegated to the end of the bench or will watch from the comfort of the press box. Nothing causes more dissension among the ranks than the question of playing time. And the minute the Red Wings face some adversity, all the ill feelings will boil over.

Look at the Dallas Stars and Colorado Avalanche. Every player on those two rosters knows his role. The same can't be said in Detroit. Who's the top left winger now, Brendan Shanahan or Clark? When the game's on the line, who's Scotty Bowman gonna use on defense, Nicklas Lidstrom and Larry Murphy or Chelios and Samuelsson? And who gets the call in net for a big game, Chris Osgood or Ranford? Coaches always say that having too many capable players is a problem they'd love to have. But the key thing there is that it is a problem. And the Wings have it.

Vincent Damphousse by Meredith Martini

BRING BACK BERNIE
Vincent Damphousse and Joe Murphy are starting to rekindle some of the old magic they used to have together in Edmonton. In the six games since joining the San Jose Sharks at the trade deadline, Damphousse has seven goals and 11 points, while Murphy has clicked for five goals and 10 points. The Sharks have only gone 3-2-1 during that time, but that's more than enough to keep them secured in the seventh playoff spot out West.

Now if the Sharks would only allow LCS Hero Bernie Nicholls to come out of his forced retirement, the Sharks could be in store for a serious playoff run. It was back in 1991-92 that a trio of Nicholls, Damphousse, and Murphy carried the Oilers all the way to the Western Conference Finals. That was the year that Bernie came over from New York for Mark Messier and got a late start on the season because of some family issues. But once he arrived, the Oilers took off.

Nicholls played 49 games that season and finished with 20 goals and 49 points. Meanwhile, Damphousse led the team in scoring with 38 goals and 89 points and Murphy had his career-best year of 35 goals and 82 points. The threesome continued to roll in the club's 16 playoff games, with Murphy scoring eight goals and 24 points, Nicholls notching eight goals and 19 pints, and Damphousse bagging six goals and 14 points.

Bring back Bernie! Chomp, chomp, chomp. Bring back Bernie!

Tucker Puppet

DARCY TUCKER PUPPET SOLD
Mr. Irving Furbish of nearby Latrobe, Pennsylvania, claimed the original Darcy Tucker puppet with a winning bid of $216.42.

"I'm really happy," said Mr. Furbish upon hearing the news. "This is the third greatest moment in my life, behind only marrying my wife and the birth of my son. Although, that kid is kind of an idiot. And I never really loved her all that much. I settled really. Come to think of it, getting the puppet is the single greatest moment of my life. Thank you, LCS Hockey!"

Mr. Furbish's money will be spent to help local Greensburg charities. If, you know, you replaced the word "charities" with "bars."

AUTOGRAPH SIGNING UPDATE
Just a reminder, I'll be signing autographs again this Wednesday night, and every Wednesday for that matter, at the Buffalo Wild Wings behind Westmoreland Mall in Greensburg, PA. The autograph sessions start at 10PM and roll until closing time. As per usual, I'll be the thin sickly looking fellow at the table by the windows. And don't be discouraged by the long lines, it's worth the wait. I like to spend some personal time with everyone. If they're kind enough to ask for my autograph, I figure it's the least I can do. I like to go that extra mile for you, our valued readers. So feel free to stop by and say "hey."

KARIYA LIKES TO SHOOT
Paul Kariya never met a shot he didn't like. Come to think of it, the same thing could be said about me. Except, you know, I drink all mine. Anyway, Kariya has 401 shots on goal this season and is on pace to record 432. That would be the second highest total since the league started recording the stat back in 1955. While Kariya's average of 5.28 shots a game is astounding, it's well below my average shot total on any given night. Here are the NHL's all-time single-season shot leaders:

Player         Team    Shots     Year                
Phil Esposito  Boston    550  1970-71
Phil Esposito  Boston    426  1971-72
Bobby Hull     Chicago   414  1968-69

DAFOE STILL DASHOW
Byron Dafoe continues to have a marvelous season for the Spoked- B. Dafoe leads the league with 10 shutouts and has blanked the opposition in each of his last two starts. He's also the first Boston Bruins goaltender to record 10 shutouts in a season since Frank Brimsek turned the trick in 1938-39. Here are all the goaltenders to record 10 or more shutouts in a season since the expansion era began in 1967-68:

 
Player         Team         SO     Year     
Tony Esposito  Chicago      15  1969-70
Dominik Hasek  Buffalo      13  1997-98
Bernie Parent  Philadelphia 12  1973-74
Bernie Parent  Philadelphia 12  1974-75
Tony Esposito  Chicago      10  1973-74
Ken Dryden     Montreal     10  1976-77
Martin Brodeur New Jersey   10  1996-97
Martin Brodeur New Jersey   10  1997-98
Byron Dafoe    Boston       10  1998-99

JAGR DOIN' HIS JOB... SORT OF
Jaromir Jagr is up to his old tricks. Just when you think Jagr is ready to become a true captain and leader he goes and does something stupid. And I don't just mean like running with scissors or playing with matches. Those aren't stupid, those are fun. No, instead I mean like ripping his head coach in the papers.

Jagr had some very pointed things to say about Pittsburgh coach Kevin Constantine in an interview with a Prague, Czech Republic newspaper called the MF Dnes. I never really heard of the paper, but I think I know what the MF stands for. Anyway, here are some of the quotes the paper attributed to Jagr:

"I don't like the way he (Constantine) prepares the team, and I'm not the only one among the players."

"His communication with us is just awful. Either he yells at us or he just hides somewhere. Right now, it's just impossible to talk to him."

"One has to give that he can turn below-average players into at least average ones. But he also does everything he can to turn top players into average ones, too."

When Jagr was asked by good ol' North American media to confirm his quotes, he said, "Don't worry about it." Oddly enough, I have that same approach to my tax return.

Jaromir and the Penguins are currently mired in a seven-game winless streak (0-5-2) and tensions are a bit high. But there's really no excuse for this sort of thing. Even worse is his attitude on the ice. Sure, he's still racking up the points, but Jagr is constantly seen shaking his head and pouting on the bench or verbally berating teammates when they fail to give him the puck, even if the proper defensive decision was made instead. Jagr just isn't putting the team first. That's never acceptable, especially from a captain.

Things are pretty ugly at the moment in the Burgh. Constantine is doing his best to try and keep things under control, but it might be too much to overcome this close to the postseason. See what happens when our man Darius Kasparaitis isn't around to keep things cool?

Even though he's starting to show signs of his former whiny, immature self, Jagr is still doing the job on the scoresheet. The Czech Wonder Kid has points on 52.6% of Pittsburgh's goals this season, the highest such total in the league. Here are the other leaders:

Player         Team                % of Points 
Jaromir Jagr   Pittsburgh   52.6% (122 of 232)
Teemu Selanne  Anaheim      49.3% (100 of 203)
Paul Kariya    Anaheim      47.3%  (96 of 203)
Eric Lindros   Philadelphia 42.5%  (93 of 219)
Peter Forsberg Colorado     41.9%  (95 of 227)

STATS AND WHATNOT
Here are the statistical leaders in a variety of categories and stuff through April 5. Thank you. I'm a rock star.

Goals
Teemu Selanne   Anaheim      45
Alexei Yashin   Ottawa       43
Tony Amonte     Chicago      40
Jaromir Jagr    Pittsburgh   40
Eric Lindros    Philadelphia 40
John LeClair    Philadelphia 39
Joe Sakic       Colorado     39

Assists
Jaromir Jagr    Pittsburgh   82
Peter Forsberg  Colorado     67
Paul Kariya     Anaheim      61
Teemu Selanne   Anaheim      55
Eric Lindros    Philadelphia 53
Joe Sakic       Colorado     53

Points
Jaromir Jagr    Pittsburgh  122
Teemu Selanne   Anaheim     100
Paul Kariya     Anaheim      96
Peter Forsberg  Colorado     95
Eric Lindros    Philadelphia 93
Joe Sakic       Colorado     92

Plus/Minus
A. Karpovtsev   Toronto      +38
John LeClair    Philadelphia +35 
Eric Lindros    Philadelphia +35
Magnus Arvedson Ottawa       +33
Jere Lehtinen   Dallas       +30
Mike Modano     Dallas       +30

Shots
Paul Kariya     Anaheim     401
Jaromir Jagr    Pittsburgh  327
Alexei Yashin   Ottawa      313
Al MacInnis     St. Louis   297
Peter Bondra    Washington  284

Ice Time (in minutes)
Chris Pronger   St. Louis   30.38
Brian Leetch    NY Rangers  29.98
Ray Bourque     Boston      29.65
Al MacInnis     St. Louis   28.99
Chris Chelios   Detroit     27.11

Faceoff Wins
Mats Sundin     Toronto     1081
Keith Primeau   Carolina     945
Steve Rucchin   Anaheim      944
Rod Brind'Amour Philadelphia 924
Eric Lindros    Philadelphia 918

Faceoff Winning Percentage
Joe Nieuwendyk      Dallas       63.44
Eric Lindros        Philadelphia 60.03
Adam Oates          Washington   59.22
Sebastien Bordeleau Nashville    57.67
Mats Sundin         Toronto      57.25
Steve Yzerman       Detroit      57.25

Hits
Gary Roberts     Carolina    238
Ken Klee         Washington  235
Mattias Norstrom Los Angeles 231
Keith Primeau    Carolina    223
Bob Boughner     Buffalo     222

Giveaways
Jaromir Jagr     Pittsburgh  202
Oleg Tverdovsky  Phoenix     157
Brian Leetch     NY Rangers  155
Eric Weinrich    Montreal    155
Pavol Demitra    St. Louis   139
Peter Forsberg   Colorado    139

Takeaways
Peter Forsberg    Colorado   139
Keith Carney      Phoenix    116
Vladimir Malakhov Montreal   111
Brian Leetch      NY Rangers 109
Scott Stevens     New Jersey 106

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