Every year it's the same old story. We always start the season with a full roster of correspondents, but it never lasts long. The ranks have once again become depleted thanks to the usual deportations and accidental bludgeonings, not to mention our ongoing blood feud with Bil Keane, the creator of the hilariously funny "Family Circus" comic strip.

A Message from Bil Keane

But, as the old saying goes, one person's mysterious disappearance is another person's golden opportunity. The following correspondent gigs are now up for grabs:

Carolina
New Jersey
New York Rangers (maybe)
San Jose

As an LCS Hockey team correspondent, it will be your responsibility to file a team report once every two weeks for issues. You'll also be given first crack at all feature articles involving your team.

And what do you get out of the deal? Well, how about the pride and satisfaction that comes with being associated with such a prestigious publication as LCS Hockey? Oh, that isn't enough? Well, how about the honor of calling Zippy the Wonder Chimp "friend"? Still no deal? What's wrong with you! We're talkin' Zippy here! He's not just your ordinary chimp. Oh no. He's a wonder chimp, damn it! A wonder chimp!

If you're interested, write to us at dell@lcshockey.com and tell us all about yourself. Make sure you include information like age, location, past writing experience, and the names of as many Charlie's Angels as you can remember. Hint: there were six.

And be sure to make the letter strong. Because we're basing our decisions on 'em.

Thank you.

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