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More Stuff... by Michael Dell, Editor-in-Chief
ALL-STAR SNUBS While we'll be able to enjoy the likes of Viktor Kozlov, Marco Sturm, and Sergei Krivokrasov skating for the World Team, Joe Sakic and Luc Robitaille will not be in attendance. Exactly how is this allowed to happen? It's criminal. It can't officially be called an All-Star Game if Joe Sakic isn't there. What about his 15 goals and 39 points in 32 games isn't good enough to earn a roster spot? And all Robitaille has done is score 22 goals, the third highest total in the league. It's a joke. Even worse than the format is the gay rule that calls for every team to have at least one representative. Aw, I guess the league doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. That's swell if this was a Pee Wee league in Saskatchewan, but this the big show. Hurt feelings go with the territory. Do the Islanders really deserve to be represented? How about the Capitals? Or Sharks? Let's see the best players in the game, no matter where they were born or what sweater they wear.
KRUPP BACKS OUT If you voted for Uwe Krupp you're an idiot. People of Detroit, I'm looking in your direction. This is how I guess it must of happened: (EDITOR'S NOTE: to get the true effect of the following, it must be read with a pronounced lisp)
Red Wing Fan 1: "I hate voting." Aw, that's real cute. At least Krupp did the honorable thing and threw his back out so he won't be able to play in Tampa on the 24th. Now we just need all the people that voted for him to throw their backs out windows.
WHERE YOU AT, HICKS? At 16:59 of the second period, a huge melee erupted at center ice that started with gritty, gutty Tyler Wright picking on Peter Worrell. In looking for a dance partner, Hicks quickly spotted the always dangerous Alexei Kovalev. Hicks busted his stick over Kovalev's leg and then proceeded to drop the gloves and land three uncontested shots to the mug before the talented Russian winger could even let go of his stick. Kovalev somehow managed to retain consciousness and eventually wrestled Hicks to the ice. It was a gutless attack. It was also very reminiscent of a stunt Hicks pulled while playing for the Penguins, except back then it was Nelson Emerson on the receiving end of the Pearl Harbor. And at least Hicks only punched Emerson once. Kovalev wasn't quite so lucky. Hicks was given two for instigating, five for fighting, and a ten-minute misconduct. Kovalev received five for apparently head-butting Hicks' fists. Kovalev did not return to the game, but the Penguins still managed to hold on for a 7-4 win. Three nights later the teams met up again, this time in Florida. It didn't take long for the Penguins to even the score. Neil Wilkinson, dressed for the first time since the Carter administration, went right after Hicks. Except Wilkinson didn't jump him, he merely called him out. Hicks obliged and charged towards Wilkinson only to have Wilky lay the smack down on him with The People's Left Hand. Two hits. Wilkinson hitting Hicks and Hicks hitting the ice. And that was that. (EDITOR'S NOTE: for those of you scoring at home, that was a "Breakfast Club" reference. Once again, a "Breakfast Club" reference.) Wilkinson could have done some serious damage to his former teammate but instead just stood there and watched as Hicks struggled to get to his feet. Hicks got up. Hicks fell down. He got up again. He fell down again. He attempted to stand up a third time. He fell down a third time. It's just a good thing he wasn't carrying a cross. (EDITOR'S NOTE: once again for those of you scoring at home, and for all you Catholics out there - and I think you know who you are, that was a Stations of the Cross reference. Yes, a Stations of the Cross reference. Give yourself an extra point if you picked up on it.) Hicks tried to return to action in the second period wearing a visor, but he was still messed up. Unable to continue, he bailed early and has yet to return to action. Meanwhile, Kovalev, sporting a black eye and a cut across the bridge of his nose from Hicks' earlier assault, got his own form of revenge by clipping the Cats for two extraordinary goals in the 4-2 Pittsburgh win. The first was an unbelievable slap shot from high in the slot that was in and out before Sean Burke even moved. The shot was so fast that video replay was needed to confirm that it actually existed. The second was a clean breakaway that saw Kovalev scorch Burke with a wrister low stick- side. No one shoots a puck better than Kovalev. No one. While you never like to see someone get hurt, Hicks definitely had it coming. And at least he had a chance to defend himself. That's a privilege he didn't afford Kovalev. Not only did the incident render Hicks a hated man in the Burgh, but now Wilkinson has risen to somewhat of a cult hero among Penguin fans. He's also been in the lineup ever since.
FRANCIS COMES HOME Usually when free agents split for stacks and stacks of folding green, they get booed out of the building upon their return. But that's not the case with Francis. There isn't a Penguin fan alive that still doesn't respect good ol' number 10. Francis received a hero's welcome from the Igloo faithful. And his old teammates didn't forget him either. After a video montage of some of Francis' most memorable moments in a Pittsburgh uniform ran on the scoreboard, Tom Barrasso and Jaromir Jagr presented their former captain with a framed Penguin jersey. It's always touching to see someone welcomed home like that. Were you watching, mom? Really, did you have to change the locks? Is that something you felt you had to do? Anyway, once the emotion of the pre-game ceremony died down, the teams put on quite the entertaining game of hockey. The ending was beautiful. The Penguins were clinging to a 3-2 lead with 1:06 left in regulation when referee Don Van Massenhoven whistled Penguin rookie Jan Hrdina for intentionally knocking the net off the moorings when the puck was in the crease. It was kind of a weak call, but at least it made things exciting. Things could have been a whole lot more interesting had Carolina coach Paul Maurice selected Francis, who was on the ice at the time, to take the penalty shot. Could you imagine how cool that would have been to have Francis one-on-one with Barrasso with the game hanging in the balance? Unfortunately, that classic confrontation will only live in our imaginations. Maurice elected instead to go with Sami Kapanen. Kapanen is a bad man and all, but seeing Francis vs. Barrasso under those circumstances would have been one for the ages. As it was, Kapanen skated in on Barrasso and didn't even attempt a move. He decided to just try and sneak one low glove side. Bad decision. Barrasso easily kicked it aside and the Penguins added an empty-netter to win 4-2. Sami, I realize it's a little late, but you have to deke Barrasso on breakaways. He's just too big to try and pick a corner. Get him moving side to side and then dump it behind him. Hey, you know who would have known that? Francis. Oh well.
COOLNESS UPDATE
1. Darius Kasparaitis, Pittsburgh Penguins
QUOTE OF THE WEEK You know, in many ways, we here at LCS Hockey are like alcoholics. But that's just because we, you know, drink a lot...
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