LCS Hockey - More Stuff

More Stuff
by Michael Dell, Editor-in-Chief

CULLEN UPDATE
Johnny Cullen, LCS hero and the idol of millions from eight to eighty, is starting to find his stride in the IHL. After scuffling a bit in his first three games with the Cleveland Lumberjacks, Cullen went crazy go nuts against the Chicago Wolves on November 7.

Johnny Cullen

Johnny Cullen
by Meredith Martini

It was as if Cullen was back in his glory days with the Option Line. Good ol' JC rang up a career high seven points on two goals and five assists. Aw, that's good stuff. Get that plane ticket back to Tampa Bay ready.

And, yes, we have mentioned Cullen's seven-point night three times this issue. Get used to it...

ALL-STAR LAME
The All-Star Game on January 24 in Tampa Bay will once again feature the international format of North America versus the World. I just have one question. Why?

It kind of made sense last year, what with the Olympics and all, but there's no need to keep it rolling. The league says it made the switch to help add more intensity to the matchup. Yeah, like Teemu Selanne sits around the house holding his hand over an open flame while chanting "Must beat North American devil." The players don't care. They just want to go have some fun, sign some autographs, and not get hurt. Which is basically the same approach I have towards fulfilling my court-imposed community service...

Only 23% of NHL players come from outside North America. That means 77% of the league will be battling it out for spots on the North American roster, while guys like Marco Sturm, Petr Sykora, Valeri Bure, and Alexei Kovalev are represented on the World ballot.

The All-Star Game is supposed to celebrate the greatest players in the game. Participants should be chosen on the strength of their play, not the location of their birthplace. The whole thing is jive.

The league changed the format because people used to complain that the All-Star games didn't accurately portray NHL contests since checking was absent and defense was a rumor. But what the hell's wrong with that? How great would it be to watch a wide open offensive showcase now that most NHL games fail to produce even five goals? Go back to conference vs conference.

And if the NHL had any heart at all, it would invite Johnny Cullen to drop the ceremonial faceoff. It would be a great scene at the Ice Palace.

DON'T BLAME LACROIX THE YOUNGER
A lot was made of Colorado GM Pierre Lacroix sacrificing his own son, Eric, for the good of the Avalanche. But don't blame Eric Lacroix for the struggles of the men with feet on their shoulders.

Granted, having the GM's son in the dressing room is definitely an awkward situation. And with his dad's recent contract squabbles with Sandis Ozolinsh and Adam Foote, Eric's presence was seen by some as the root of Colorado's chemistry problems. Whether that's true or not, it shouldn't take away from Eric as a player.

Lacroix did nothing but bust his ass for the Avalanche. He worked hard every shift and never missed an opportunity to finish a check. It's too bad his teammates rarely matched his intensity. Only two Colorado players showed up in Game Seven against the Oil last season: Lacroix and Rene Corbet. The Avalanche could do worse than have a room full of Lacroixs.

There's no question that Eric is better off playing somewhere else, it's just a shame he took so much grief. Now he's back in Los Angeles and skating with Ian Laperriere, giving the Royalty a tremendous checking line. The Kings are glad to have him. And Colorado is still losing.

WASHINGTON 4077TH
Peter Bondra has taken to wearing a dress. Adam Oates has developed an uncanny ability to hear choppers. Dale Hunter and Craig Berube have fashioned a homemade still in the dressing room, which they now refer to as "The Swamp."

Klinger

Corporal Klinger

Yes, the Capitals continue to do their very best to bring an episode of "M*A*S*H" to life. They've already lost about 1200 man games to injury. Just take a gander at some of the names that were scratched for Washington's November 7 win over the Senators: Michal Pivonka, Steve Konowalchuk, Richard Zednik, Yogi Svejkovsky, Jan Bulis, Joe Reekie, Sergei Gonchar, and Brendan Witt. That's some pretty good talent there, not to mention three of their top six defensemen. It's no wonder the Caps have stumbled to a 4-6-3 start.

The odd thing is that this happens every year to the Capitals. Time-Life Books should really do an investigation. How can one team suffer so many injuries year after year? Is it something in the malt liquor?

I, for one, just started taking calcium supplements and feel like a new man. Hell, it's been days since my last injury. The Caps should look into it. Or maybe they should hire a voodoo doctor to try and lift the curse? I know a guy that will do the job for a reasonable fee. He slaughters his own chickens and everything. His half-naked dancing and primal screams do take a little getting used to, but it's a worthy sacrifice for such quality craftsmanship. Yes, Dr. Schwartz does excellent work.

PARITY, SHMARITY
Have you looked at the standings lately? There's mediocrity as far as the eye can see. Sort of like my high school graduation class. Aw, I'm just kidding... I didn't graduate.

Through November 9, only seven teams have at least two more wins than losses. Conversely, seven other teams have at least two more losses than wins. The remaining 13 clubs are all hovering around the .500 mark.

What does all this mean? Beats the hell out of me. I didn't even graduate high school. Remember? From up above?

GOOD LINES
I can take one look at you and tell you're the kind of girl that's heard every phoney line in the book. So one more's not gonna kill ya, am I right?

A good line can make all the difference in the world when trying to score. Unfortunately, most are greeted with a slap in the face or broken up at the whim of a coach. There just aren't many good lines these days in the NHL. The same three players rarely stay together long enough to develop a reliable chemistry. And even if they do, they're immediately busted as soon as they go more than one game without producing. That's life in today's fast-paced, result-driven society.

The ideal line contains a combination of speed, toughness, and goal-scoring ability; a little something for everyone. There are a few such examples today, but not many. Here's a quick look at some notable trios that have made their mark this season or still might before everything is said and done.

Brett Hull - Mike Modano - Jere Lehtinen, Dallas Stars: It's tough to beat a line with two former 50-goal scorers and a Selke Trophy winner. Yet Stars coach Ken Hitchcock recently removed Hull in order to switch the Golden Brett back to his natural right wing and to create more scoring depth throughout the lineup.

John LeClair - Eric Lindros - (Your name here), Philadelphia Flyers: How bad do the Flyers miss Mikael Renberg? On a team overloaded with centers, the orange and black are having a terrible time trying to find someone worthy of skating the right side for Lindros and LeClair. Rookie Mike Maneluk and Dainius Zubrus have both had shots at it this season, with Maneluk having the most success. It's still a major concern. Luckily, the L and L Railroad can carry the load by itself on most nights.

Todd Bertuzzi - Mark Messier - Alexander Mogilny, Vancouver Canucks: Now this is a balanced line. Or at least it was until Bertuzzi had to go and break his leg. Messier provided the leadership, Mogilny bolted around the ice creating plays, and Bertuzzi worked the corners and busted heads. And all three can put the puck in the net. Bertuzzi can't return too soon.

Valeri Kamensky - Peter Forsberg - Claude Lemieux, Colorado Avalanche: These guys have arguably been the best line in the league over the past three seasons. Sadly, time has taken its toll and they don't even play together every night. But when they do find they old magic, they can ring up the goals at a startling clip.

Shayne Corson

Shayne Corson
by Meredith Martini

Shayne Corson - Saku Koivu - Mark Recchi, Montreal Canadiens: Injuries to Corson and Koivu have kept this threesome apart for most of the year. When healthy, they can dominate. Both Koivu and Recchi are exceptional playmakers, while Corson does all the dirty work in front of the cage.

Sergei Samsonov - Jason Allison - Dimitri Khristich, Boston Bruins: Samsonov has game-breaking speed, Khristich is a proven veteran scorer, and Allison has quietly become one of the best centers in the game. When they don't score, Boston doesn't win.

German Titov - Robert Lang - Jaromir Jagr, Pittsburgh Penguins: At this very moment in time, there may not be a more dazzling offensive line than Titov, Lang, and Jagr. While they aren't physical, all three possess good size and are extremely skilled with the puck. If they have a flaw it's that they always try to make the perfect play instead of just putting the puck on net. But when they make it work, it's usually worth the wait.

Luc Robitaille - Jozef Stumpel - Glen Murray, Los Angeles Kings: Stumpel has barely played this season, but will likely be reunited with Robitaille and Murray once he gets healthy. They're quite the promising prospect. Stumpel is marvelous with the puck, Murray is an up and coming power forward, and Lucky Luc is still Lucky Luc. Keep an eye on 'em.

Brendan Shanahan - Steve Yzerman - Darren McCarty, Detroit Red Wings: They were dominant early on, but then Scotty Bowman came back and did that nutty line-juggling thing he does. While not blessed with overwhelming speed, they do have toughness, smarts, and Shanny's quick trigger. That's usually more than enough.