LCS Hockey - Player Ratings Lead-In

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Fifth Annual Player Ratings Issue Intro
Now Even Creamier!
by Michael Dell, editor-in-chief

Fours years ago, LCS Hockey started a brave tradition of rating the best players in the NHL. Since that time many people have asked the question, "What gives you smart-aleck punks the right to judge the best hockey players in the world?" Our usual replay was that we were really bored and had nothing better to do until the next episode of "Starsky and Hutch." Well, that's all changed. We're no longer bored. We now have better things to do between episodes of "Starsky and Hutch." Yet we still keep on producing the player ratings. And you want to know why? Because, damn it, we care! We care about you, our valued readers. That's why. If we weren't around to tell you about the best players in the NHL, you'd have to pick it up on the streets like some filthy whore. Actually, that's our new slogan. LCS Hockey... we're better than a filthy whore.

Anyway, most of you already know the drill, but for you rookies out there we rate the top 10 players at each position, except defense where we list the top 12. I'm not really sure why, but I think it has something to do with there being two defensemen on the ice, so we figured we'd throw in two extra guys. Big of us, eh? Along with the 10 star attractions, we also name a few honorable mentions, some guys moving up the ladder of success, some falling down, and some just plain confused about which way they're going. If you feel we overlooked a certain player, please don't take offense. I'm sure we just forgot about him during one of our extended blackouts.

In order to make our top 10, a guy has to do more than just score. Sure, hefty point totals help, but we take the player's entire game into consideration. Age, speed, skill, toughness, health, leadership... it all gets factored into the equation. Well, it's not really an equation. It's more like a hat. But it's still scientific.

This issue marks our fifth Player Ratings Spectacular. In honor of the occasion, I thought it might be nice to take a stroll down memory lane. Here are the top rated players from the previous four issues:

Issue 3 - 1994
Center: Mario Lemieux
Left Wing: Brendan Shanahan
Right Wing: Pavel Bure
Defense 1: Scott Stevens
Defense 2: Ray Bourque
Goaltender: Patrick Roy

Issue 28 - 1995
Center: Eric Lindros
Left Wing: Brendan Shanahan
Right Wing: Jaromir Jagr
Defense 1: Scott Stevens
Defense 2: Chris Chelios
Goaltender: Dominik Hasek

Issue 52 - 1996
Center: Mario Lemieux
Left Wing: Brendan Shanahan
Right Wing: Jaromir Jagr
Defense 1: Chris Chelios
Defense 2: Ray Bourque
Goaltender: Patrick Roy

Issue 77 - 1997
Center: Eric Lindros
Left Wing: John LeClair
Right Wing: Jaromir Jagr
Defense 1: Chris Chelios
Defense 2: Brian Leetch
Goaltender: Patrick Roy

There were plenty of changes among the top spots this season. Only one player has held on to his number one ranking. As a small preview of things to come, here are the top rated players for 1998.

Center: Peter Forsberg
Left Wing: John LeClair
Right Wing: Teemu Selanne
Defense 1: Chris Pronger
Defense 2: Nicklas Lidstrom
Goaltender: Dominik Hasek

Notice that four of the six players are European and that Chris Pronger is the only Canadian. Ace Reporter Jim Iovino looks further into the subject of hockey's changing balance of power elsewhere in the issue.

Besides ranking the top players, we also like to do our best to accommodate hockey pool participants. Zippy the Wonder Chimp has been going buckwild with the math, compiling massive amounts of statistics to aid in your quest for domination. As an added bonus, Matthew Secosky, LCS Hockey's own resident guru, has written up a few tips that should help you get an edge on the losers you're competing against. Although, calling Matthew a guru might be a bit strong. His club, the Virtuous Pagans, finished in sixth place last year in our local pool. So think of him more like a substitute teacher at a remedial grammar school.

Darius Kasparaitis

Darius Kasparaitis
by Meredith Martini

One feature we considered but didn't write was a listing of the coolest players in the league. As a companion piece, we would have also compiled a list of the biggest dorks. Sadly, I just ran out of time. Maybe it'll be ready for the Season Preview. But for now I can say, without question, the coolest player in the NHL is Darius Kasparaitis. There's just no doubt about it. Not only is he an excellent defenseman that plays a bruising physical game, but Darius is just a funny, funny guy. If he scored more he would have cracked our top 12. But I think it's cooler to be named the coolest player in the NHL than simply be listed among the best 12, so there's no reason for shame on Darius' part.

Finally, when reading the issue there are a few other things to watch. Namely, our first obscure references to wrestling. It had to be done. Also, the issue contains not one but two references to "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show." All I can say to that is it's about time.

We'll be back with our 1998-99 Season Preview on Tuesday, September 22. Be sure to check it out. Unless, you know, you have something else to do, then screw it. This lead-in has ended. Now go forth and enjoy the issue like no issue has been enjoyed before...